Tag Archives: twitter

Randominity

Hi! It’s Friday! The time when all my random thoughts come out to play, like fairies that come out to play when you turn on the sprinkler. Maybe that’s just in my yard.

I’m in kind of a weird mood today. Restless. Shifty. Giddy. Slightly chilly. No particular reason, other than it’s Friday. And I left the air conditioner on too low at my office last night.

So, anyway. Random:

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I’m following almost the whole cast of Community on twitter now, as well as the creator, Dan Harmon. I find him very entertaining. Check it out.

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So You Think You Can Dance is back on! I love to watch pretty people dancing. That’s why I own Center Stage on dvd. But seriously, you should watch this show. It’s amazing. Watch this clip and see if your heart doesn’t try to float away like a balloon. (Skip to 0:47 or so to just see the dancing.)

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I saw Splice. It was weird. And not in a cool way. And not in a mind-fuck-maybe-if-I-dropped-acid-and-watched-it-again-I’d-appreciate-it way. I’d almost put it in the so-bad-it’s-good category, except it invaded my dreams and now I’m angry at it.

Sarah Polley and Adrian Brody, you are so much better than this. Why?

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My cat has decided that when the alarm goes off in the morning, it’s time for her to sit on my chest. If she were normal-sized this wouldn’t be a huge problem. But she’s very, very fat* and it causes me great physical discomfort. As well as little paw-shaped bruises all over my torso. Try explaining that to a doctor.

I can’t decide if she’s trying to keep me at home or if she’s trying to steal my breath. Could be both.

*She’s lost weight since we moved into the bigger place. It’s got me wondering – is she the opposite of a goldfish? Does she expand when we put her in smaller areas, only to get smaller when she’s in a larger area? It might just be that now it’s more of a walk from the bed to the couch.

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Adam and I have been DVRing Jeopardy and watching it when I get home every night. This is nice, because it gives me a way to track how much dumber I get each day.

Well, each weekday.

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I’m going on a business trip next week! I’m like a grown up.

A question for the 5 people who read this: Should I take the faster route or the prettier route?

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I got my 100th comment the other day! But it was from my husband, which is like writing a play and then getting a rave review from your mother. (Which has happened to me.)

So anywho, comment away, people I’m not related to. Let me know you’re out there.

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The argument for twitter

Okay, I mentioned a while ago that I was formulating a response to anyone who said twitter was stupid, and my friend Bethany decided she had to hear it.

First, I fear I may have given the wrong impression when I made my initial remarks, because this isn’t going to be a “You’re Stupid Because You Disagree With Me” rant, more  a “Why Don’t We All Open Our Minds And We Can Enjoy The World Together” polite request. At least that’s my intention going into this. We’ll see where it actually ends up.

Here’s the thing about twitter. It’s just like any other bit of technology. It’s a tool. In and of itself, it’s not evil or good, stupid or noble. It’s up to the users to determine its disposition. And just like how some people use Facebook to play Farmville and some people use it to start a revolution, twitter is used to all ends.

To be honest, I don’t know how anyone can argue that twitter is just for people who want to tell everyone what they had for lunch anymore. After the Iran Twitter Revolution, I think it’s pretty clear that it’s a valuable tool. But even in everyday, slightly mundane use, twitter is not just for people with no friends in real life. Marketing professionals use it to get word out about their products and services. You can use it to actually talk to your favorite celebrities, instead of just pining. Some people (me) use it to stay in touch with friends that they (I) wouldn’t otherwise get to talk to for weeks at a time.

And here’s the other thing about twitter. You don’t have to have any part of it. It’s optional. You don’t want to hear about what somebody had for lunch? Don’t follow people who tell you what they had for lunch. This is the major thing that I don’t understand about people who are morally opposed to twitter. Twitter is like sending a mass text, except you’re only sending it to people who already said they want to get texts from you. It’s people talking to people who want to be talked to. It’s not just a bunch of people yelling into a void. It’s a conversation.

And yeah, sometimes it’s a conversation about what someone had for lunch. Is that really so bad?

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Shelby looks forward to your hate mail, too.

This is my first-ever blog-by-request. Any complaints about anything in this post can be directed to my friend Shelby in the comments. I’m sure she’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have.

Some backstory: I have 4 close friends who live in all different places, making it very difficult for us to ever see each other. So we use twitter to talk to each other. For any of you who are going to comment on how stupid twitter is, and how it’s only used by losers who want to tell everyone what they had for lunch, please do comment. I’m developing a response right now, and I can’t wait to tell it to you.

Anyway, yesterday I was tweeting some of my random crap and getting no responses, so I idly wondered, “Am I the only one still alive? Did the rapture come and somehow you guys all got into heaven? Where is everyone?”

So we got into a discussion about which of us was more likely to get into heaven (apparently me, not sure why), and what exactly the guidelines are for getting into heaven, and I mentioned that “punching random people in the face” was not allowed.

So Shelby said I should write a post about what you could do that would keep you out of heaven. So here’s the list.

(I should probably note here that I’ve been told many times, by many different people – some of them good friends of mine – that I’m going to hell. I certainly have not been a perfect angel my entire life – or any one part of it – but I’ve never committed a violent crime or stolen anything that would be missed. I have only been told I’m going to hell in response to things I said. I know I talk a lot of shit, but…really?)

Things that will keep you from getting into (my version of) heaven:

  • Punching random people in the face.
  • Driving a Hummer if you’re not fighting in a war. Figurative or conceptual wars do not count as real wars.
  • Asking someone a question, then not listening to the answer.
  • Calling people stupid because they have a different opinion than you. I’m not stupid for liking Dude, Where’s My Car?, any more than you’re stupid for liking Vanilla Sky. Although I think a case could be made for the latter.
  • Taking credit for someone else’s work.
  • Forcing anyone to do anything against their will. I’m not talking about making your 5-year-old take a bath. I’m not talking about telling your employee to get back to work. Let’s use some common sense here.
  • Taking things too literally.
  • Using honesty as an excuse to be a raging asshole.
  • Responding to words with violence.
  • Thinking you’re better than another person.

A note about lying: Lying sucks. You shouldn’t do it. But we all know that there are situations where it’s not only understandable, it’s the right thing to do. There is only one lie that you can tell that will keep you out of (my version of) heaven: Telling someone you’ve forgiven them if you haven’t.

Things that will never, not in a million years, keep you out of (my version of) heaven:

  • Having consensual sex with any person (or persons) who can be legally and emotionally considered an adult.
  • Joking about religion.
  • Talking about religion.
  • Having an opinion about religion.
  • Having an opinion about anything, even if you’re wrong, as long as you are willing to listen to other opinions and intelligently defend your own.
  • Drinking alcohol.
  • Dancing.
  • Wearing makeup.
  • Wearing revealing clothes.
  • Wearing clothes that are not traditionally worn by people of your gender.
  • Learning to read.
  • Having an idea.
  • Making a mistake.
  • Not believing in heaven, or hell, or original sin, or god, or whatever other concept you might come up with.

I know that seems contradictory. Here’s the thing, though. I’ve had people in my life who haven’t believed in me. Some of them were very close to me, and it hurt a lot when they didn’t believe in me. But I forgave them eventually. And I’m not even close to being the nicest person on earth. So I kind of feel like god, or whoever you might believe in (or not), should at least be nicer than me.

By the way, my heaven has alcohol and sex and bouncy houses. You know you want to get into my heaven.

Okay, that’s it. I look forward to your hate mail.

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Like a bird in a whale’s mouth. Now it’s in the title. There, Google, is that what you wanted?

I’m currently having a clothing crisis where none of my pants fit me anymore, but I’m too lazy to exercise. I predict this stalemate will last until I have enough money to buy new pants.

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My phone at work is super static-y. I’ve been raised by television and movies to believe that this means my phone is tapped. I’m sure it’s because of all that stuff I said on twitter while Barack Obama was one of my followers.

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I didn’t say anything too terrible. But I think I did talk about blowing stuff up once or twice. I was just joking, Barack. I figured you’d have a sense of humor about it.

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I’m the only person who works in my office, so a lot of the time I’ll take off my shoes and walk around barefoot. And I sometimes wear tank tops with little sweaters over them, but if it gets too hot, I’ll take the sweater off. And because of the pants issue, I walk around with my pants unbuttoned. So what I’m saying is, if you stop by my office, I’ll essentially be half-naked.

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“Like a bird in whale’s mouth” still has no google hits. But I’ve put it on this blog – twice. It’s on the internet, Google. Stop trying to thwart my plan by refusing to show it in search results. And also, stop trying to prevent me from getting new blog readers who searched for the phrase “like a bird in a whale’s mouth.” Let’s work together, Google.

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From now on, any time I insult someone, I’m going to add, “Also, your face is stupid.” It’s like a bonus insult. And their face probably is stupid.

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Please continue the randomness in the comments. All four of you who read this.

UPDATE: Google listened! That was instant.  Hooray for technology!

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