Tag Archives: random fridays

No writing errors were found, bitches! Ha-HA!

Dear Blog,

Hey.

So…how’ve you been?

I’ve been good. Busy. Writing stuff, doing stuff, watching stuff. Playing stuff. You know. The usual.

So listen. I know we’ve sort of…grown apart lately. Maybe we needed some space. I’m totally cool with that, and I hope you are too. But I wanted to let you know that I’ll always be here for you, just like I know you’ll always be here for me.

So, I guess, let’s catch up.

First, I’ve been going to the gym. Well, okay, that’s an exaggeration. I got a gym membership and went for a couple of weeks, but lately…not so much. And I really need to go because if I’m going to someday convince Edgar Wright to become my mistress, I’ll have to be really hot.

Also, Adam and I got a Wii. And new Super Mario Bros. And we finished it. So that’s done.

You know what I was thinking about the other day? I was thinking about my dream house. And all those crazy things you always want for your dream house when you’re a kid? Yeah, I still want those. I want a room where the ceiling and all the walls are padded and the floor is a trampoline. I want a giant tree house as a guest cottage. I want the apartment that Tom Hanks had in Big (not the one with the murders happening outside). And you know what else? I want a room just like Jeannie’s bottle in I Dream of Jeannie. Round, with a couch lining the wall and pillows everywhere. And no door. You have to enter from the ceiling or a trap door in the floor. I would spend all day in there. My trampoline floor room would be tragically unused. (Okay, not really. I’d divide my time equally.)

Hmm, what else?

Oh! We finally got our fridge! It’s amazing. There’s room for everything. And it’s mostly empty right now. So, it’s good that we upgraded.

So that’s what’s going on with me.¬†What have you been up to lately? How’s life? Did you go to the doctor for that thing?

In closing, I’d just like to say that there is nothing better on earth than Mexican hot chocolate (not a euphemism).

Talk to you soon (I hope).

Yours truly,

Empress Lindsay

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And finally…

Okay, I guess I should have mentioned at the beginning of this whole blogging exercise that I am notoriously unreliable, especially when it comes to keeping appointments.

So anyway, here’s a long-awaited random post for you.

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I, along with my husband, have joined a gym. I’m sure to turn into a douchebag at any second. If you see my in the grocery store with Axe Body Spray in my cart, please just shoot me.

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We’re getting a fridge! For real this time! It’s been purchased and everything, just have to wait til the 16th for it to be delivered. So thanks to Liz and Aaron, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law respectively. (Is he my brother-in-law if he’s married to my sister-in-law? That just seems incesty.)

Just imagine: A world where you can buy more food than you can eat in one night. Where leftovers don’t just go in the garbage. Where milk comes in whole gallons. Where butter gets its own compartment. And where ice cream sits patiently, just waiting for your every craving.

That world sounds a lot like a certain bouncy-house heaven you may have heard of.

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So, the election is over. No more crazy attack ads on tv. I’m back to fast-forwarding through all the commercial breaks.

This is the inevitable post-election crash. Let’s try to endure.

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Um, Doug Loves Movies had Edgar Wright on. Listen now to find out why you should use the word “owl” instead of “ass”.

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Oh, and I totally forgot to take pictures when I was making my halloween costume. So, no tutorial this year. But sometime soon you may get a really early tutorial for next year’s halloween costume.

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I just re-read Catch-22. It’s my second-favorite book of all time. I want it to be an HBO mini-series produced by Tom Hanks.

What? It’s about World War Two. It could happen.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because my husband has promised to read it now. And he’s kind of dragging his feet. So your encouragement, inspiration, and peer-pressure might get him a little more motivated.

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That’s all I got today, folks. But why don’t you tell me how agonizing the wait for this post was in the comments? That will be fun for everyone!

UPDATE: Okay, guys, NO SPOILERS for Catch-22! Not even the tiniest allusion. Got it?

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Very Mundane Randomness

I’m back after a couple weeks off. Did you miss me?

I went to the state fair last friday. It was awesome. But I should have brought an extra $300 so I could ride all the rides. I only got to ride one.

Also, I think fried Dr. Pepper is a myth. We couldn’t find it anywhere. I had a state fair corn dog, and it was really disappointing. But then I had Tornado Taters, which were wonderful. The food is really the best part of a fair. And the rides. And the crooked midway game operators. And the giant stuffed Scooby Doo’s you can win.

I love the fair.

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You know what else I love? Political attack ads. Funniest things on tv.

Here’s my current favorite:

Jet fuel?

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I also love local morning soft news shows. The ones that are like Good Morning America, only with local talent (or “talent”).

When I lived in Waco, there was a great morning news show. It was very apparent that the two anchor people had just begun sleeping together. The girl would start blushing every time the guy spoke to her. And then he would sort of nudge her affectionately.

I only wish I’d still lived in Waco when they broke up. I bet that was television gold.

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I have a costume party to attend this weekend! I’m not going to tell you what I’m going as, so as to surprise you with pictures.

Stay tuned early next week for a tutorial on how I made my costume.

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I had a conversation with my mom earlier today that was almost entirely about baked goods. I’m currently craving every kind of cookie. Recommendations, anyone?

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Random Acts of Niceness

Though I can be a bitch at times, I appreciate niceness just as much as the next person. So I decided to devote a section of this week’s randominity to niceness.

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Who is the nicest person ever to walk the earth? Mr. Rogers, of course. If you haven’t already seen this list of reasons why Mr. Rogers was the best neighbor ever, you must check it out. And if you’ve already seen it, it wouldn’t hurt your heart even the tiniest bit to read it again.

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Another person who is really nice, in addition to possibly being the cutest human being to ever stand on two legs, is Kate Micucci. You may recognize her from Garfunkel & Oates. (She’s Oates).

Anyway, this is a song she wrote for the show Scrubs.

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And, in the nicest niceness crossover ever, this is a song Kate Micucci wrote about Mr. Rogers. Smile and tilt your head adoringly as you watch.

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Thus endeth the official “niceness” section of today’s post. But the rest are things that I consider nice, also.

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I can’t get through my day without podcasts. They make my spreadsheets seem slightly less excruciating.

I’ve already told you about the Nerdist Podcasts, as well as Pop Culture Happy Hour. The next podcast I implore you to listen to is Doug Loves Movies, where comedian Doug Benson brings on celebrity guests to talk about movies and play the Leonard Maltin game. What is the Leonard Maltin game, you ask? Listen and find out.

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And finally, this one is nice, too. If you follow any movie-related blogs, you’ve probably read about the death of Sally Menke, who was Quentin Tarantino’s editor. (That’s not the nice part.) Tarantino encouraged his actors to say hello to Sally every once in a while so she wouldn’t feel so lonely in the editing booth. Anyway, here’s a collection of “Hi Sally”s.

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I knew there was something I forgot to do.

It’s time for Random Friday! On Monday – just to keep you guessing. And because I’m aware of the irony of designating a specific day each week on which to be random. And because I forgot.

Anyway.

I have this problem where about every month, I’ll have a string of five or so days where I discover that I’ve put my underwear on inside out.

Is this a problem that other people have? Am I dyslexic, but only with underwear? I rarely put on other clothes inside out or backwards. And when I do, I notice right away and correct the problem.

This entry will help me to get more weird, underwear-related google referrals.

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New nerd crush. Get on board.

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I’m becoming almost as fickle as my family, husband, and close friends say I am. I’m always looking for my next nerd crush.

And where do I go for nerd crush fodder?

Geek a week, of course.

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I’m reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time. It is every bit as magical as I have been led to believe.

How did I get to be 26*/27** years old without having read this book already? Public School System, I’m placing this failure squarely on your shoulders.

What other holes are there in my reading history?

Give me a list of things I should have read by now, and I shall try to fill in the gaps.

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Since I began dating my husband, he has promised every year to take me to the state fair. And every year, it passes without us noticing.

I want some deep-fried Dr. Pepper, dammit!

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It’s almost October! Halloween will be happening soon! So excited. I love to play dress up.

What is everyone going as for Halloween this year? Every year I say I’m going to dress up as Daria, and every year I fail to buy a blazer in time.

Maybe this year.

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*As I’ve mentioned, last year my birthday was so bad that I decided it didn’t merit getting older. And with the avalanche of shit that fell last month, I think the same applies this year.

**However, while I was riding high on my Chris Hardwick/Underwear Signing encounter, I mentioned that perhaps I had finally earned the extra year. So, I’m either 26 or 27, depending on my mood (but certainly not 28, contrary to what my driver’s license may say). Or, as my friend Shelby likes to say, I’m 26B. Only now it’s 26C. Or 27.

27B?

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What do Chris Hardwick, David Duchovny, and panties all have in common?

I wore a dress to work today. It’s dress day.

However, a complication has arisen.

When I put the dress on this morning, I had trouble zipping it. Now, before we even go down this path, let me say that this dress fits me just fine. It’s not tight at all. There’s no reason that I shouldn’t be able to zip it easily, even though it’s an under-the-armpit zipper, which tends to throw me. But still the zipper was giving me trouble, like it was mocking me. “Hey, look, fatty can’t zip up her own dress.”

Shut up, stupid dress.

So anyway, I had to get my husband to zip it.

So I get to work, sit down and feel a slight chill on my rib cage. I look down and see a patch of skin.

I’m thinking, did he not zip it all the way? So I feel around for the zipper. As I’m feeling, the zipper opens up more and more, until it’s completely open. It’s at this point that I realize the fastener part of the zipper is at the top. The zipper is broken.

I have no recourse. No safety pins, no change of clothes. Adam has the car today, so I can’t even go home to change.

So, here I sit, with my dress unzipped. Exposed. Vulnerable.

I really hope my boss doesn’t come by today.

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Things that people have searched for on google that brought them to this blog:

  • David Duchovny
  • Natalie Portman panties
  • “panties with band on the side”
  • Grateful Dead panties
  • laughed pee panties
  • Chris Hardwick hair
  • dyed pubic hair

This blog is your source for nerdy comedians and all things ladyparts. And David Duchovny.

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Why haven’t you been listening to the Pop Culture Happy Hour on NPR?

Here, go now.

Need a teaser quote to get you interested? How about this:

“It’s like a giant iceberg of gay. And my backyard is drier because of it. A gayberg.”

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Speaking of links you need to click:

Do you like socks? Tights? Leg warmers? All three?

Go here. And buy me something while you’re there.

I like the really tall socks that go all the way up to my thighs.

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I was introduced to this band by a facebook friend.

I’m obsessed with them now. You should be, too.

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That’s it for me today. What random stuff is on your mind?

We can’t be friends if you won’t open up to me.

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Random Day

I don’t have a lot to say on this random day. Let’s see if I can dig down deep and scavenge some material.

Have you guys been watching Sons of Anarchy? Why not?!

It’s so good. I spent all of last week watching the first two seasons. I’m hooked now. I’m highly susceptible to television addiction.

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All my favorite tv shows are about to be back on. Like Community. With guest star Betty White. Seriously, they’re making this show just for me.

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My husband sent me this link. It’s way better than you think it will be (considering it’s called Mario Kart Love Song).

If you’ve never played Mario Kart, it might not make sense to you. But you should watch it anyway.

Also, if you’ve never played Mario Kart, there’s a tiny mustache-shaped hole in your soul. Rectify that.

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How is it possible that I did not know about Red Band Trailer with Diablo Cody?

It’s a 10-minute interview/guessing game hosted by Diablo Cody. She invites people she’s worked with to do the show and interviews them in an Airstream trailer.

And who has Diablo Cody worked with that also happens to be my number one marital exemption?

Oh yeah.

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Okay, that’s all I got today. Give me a topic in the comments and I’ll try to come up with some more opinions about stuff. And cool links and such.

What I’m saying is, I’m nothing without you. Help me out, would you?

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P.S. After I write these things, I hit spellcheck just to make sure I’m not grossly incompetent.

It’s unreasonable, but I feel tremendous pride when it pops up and says “No writing errors were found.”

Yeah. I’m perfect.

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