Tag Archives: movies

Monday is boring.

Sometimes when I’m at work, my mind will wander.  I’ll start off thinking about some movie I want to see (Black Swan) and who I’d like to see it with (my friend Bethany – we have a date!). And then I’ll think about Natalie Portman, who stars in Black Swan, and who has apparently written a movie that is about to be produced. And I’ll think, that’s really annoying that she’s beautiful and talented, and suddenly she wants to write a movie and poof! there’s a production company there at her door. (I don’t know if that’s actually true. Maybe it was hard for her to get the movie made. No offense, Natalie Portman.) And then I’ll think about how talent doesn’t really matter when it comes to getting your movie made, it’s all a matter of luck really. And I think about the idea that luck, and not hard work or talent or intelligence, is really the deciding factor in who succeeds and who fails. And when I was younger, that was a hard truth, heartbreaking. But now I kind of just blink and wave my hand and accept it. And I’ve had some luck myself recently, so who am I to find fault with the system that allows me to succeed? Not that I’ve succeeded yet, but it seems possible right now. And maybe that’s just because I’m still relatively young and the world seems big and kind. And maybe someday, many failures and near-successes will have broken me down into an embittered asshole, like some of the writers whose blogs I read (not all of them are assholes, though). And then I think, will I be able to stay like this for any length of time? Will I maintain some perspective, some ability to not wallow in every tiny setback that may befall me?

And then I look up and realize that I’ve been playing minesweeper this whole time.

Minesweeper is meditation for the cubicle dwellers. It’s powerful stuff.

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No writing errors were found, bitches! Ha-HA!

Dear Blog,

Hey.

So…how’ve you been?

I’ve been good. Busy. Writing stuff, doing stuff, watching stuff. Playing stuff. You know. The usual.

So listen. I know we’ve sort of…grown apart lately. Maybe we needed some space. I’m totally cool with that, and I hope you are too. But I wanted to let you know that I’ll always be here for you, just like I know you’ll always be here for me.

So, I guess, let’s catch up.

First, I’ve been going to the gym. Well, okay, that’s an exaggeration. I got a gym membership and went for a couple of weeks, but lately…not so much. And I really need to go because if I’m going to someday convince Edgar Wright to become my mistress, I’ll have to be really hot.

Also, Adam and I got a Wii. And new Super Mario Bros. And we finished it. So that’s done.

You know what I was thinking about the other day? I was thinking about my dream house. And all those crazy things you always want for your dream house when you’re a kid? Yeah, I still want those. I want a room where the ceiling and all the walls are padded and the floor is a trampoline. I want a giant tree house as a guest cottage. I want the apartment that Tom Hanks had in Big (not the one with the murders happening outside). And you know what else? I want a room just like Jeannie’s bottle in I Dream of Jeannie. Round, with a couch lining the wall and pillows everywhere. And no door. You have to enter from the ceiling or a trap door in the floor. I would spend all day in there. My trampoline floor room would be tragically unused. (Okay, not really. I’d divide my time equally.)

Hmm, what else?

Oh! We finally got our fridge! It’s amazing. There’s room for everything. And it’s mostly empty right now. So, it’s good that we upgraded.

So that’s what’s going on with me. What have you been up to lately? How’s life? Did you go to the doctor for that thing?

In closing, I’d just like to say that there is nothing better on earth than Mexican hot chocolate (not a euphemism).

Talk to you soon (I hope).

Yours truly,

Empress Lindsay

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And finally…

Okay, I guess I should have mentioned at the beginning of this whole blogging exercise that I am notoriously unreliable, especially when it comes to keeping appointments.

So anyway, here’s a long-awaited random post for you.

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I, along with my husband, have joined a gym. I’m sure to turn into a douchebag at any second. If you see my in the grocery store with Axe Body Spray in my cart, please just shoot me.

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We’re getting a fridge! For real this time! It’s been purchased and everything, just have to wait til the 16th for it to be delivered. So thanks to Liz and Aaron, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law respectively. (Is he my brother-in-law if he’s married to my sister-in-law? That just seems incesty.)

Just imagine: A world where you can buy more food than you can eat in one night. Where leftovers don’t just go in the garbage. Where milk comes in whole gallons. Where butter gets its own compartment. And where ice cream sits patiently, just waiting for your every craving.

That world sounds a lot like a certain bouncy-house heaven you may have heard of.

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So, the election is over. No more crazy attack ads on tv. I’m back to fast-forwarding through all the commercial breaks.

This is the inevitable post-election crash. Let’s try to endure.

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Um, Doug Loves Movies had Edgar Wright on. Listen now to find out why you should use the word “owl” instead of “ass”.

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Oh, and I totally forgot to take pictures when I was making my halloween costume. So, no tutorial this year. But sometime soon you may get a really early tutorial for next year’s halloween costume.

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I just re-read Catch-22. It’s my second-favorite book of all time. I want it to be an HBO mini-series produced by Tom Hanks.

What? It’s about World War Two. It could happen.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because my husband has promised to read it now. And he’s kind of dragging his feet. So your encouragement, inspiration, and peer-pressure might get him a little more motivated.

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That’s all I got today, folks. But why don’t you tell me how agonizing the wait for this post was in the comments? That will be fun for everyone!

UPDATE: Okay, guys, NO SPOILERS for Catch-22! Not even the tiniest allusion. Got it?

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Random Acts of Niceness

Though I can be a bitch at times, I appreciate niceness just as much as the next person. So I decided to devote a section of this week’s randominity to niceness.

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Who is the nicest person ever to walk the earth? Mr. Rogers, of course. If you haven’t already seen this list of reasons why Mr. Rogers was the best neighbor ever, you must check it out. And if you’ve already seen it, it wouldn’t hurt your heart even the tiniest bit to read it again.

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Another person who is really nice, in addition to possibly being the cutest human being to ever stand on two legs, is Kate Micucci. You may recognize her from Garfunkel & Oates. (She’s Oates).

Anyway, this is a song she wrote for the show Scrubs.

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And, in the nicest niceness crossover ever, this is a song Kate Micucci wrote about Mr. Rogers. Smile and tilt your head adoringly as you watch.

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Thus endeth the official “niceness” section of today’s post. But the rest are things that I consider nice, also.

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I can’t get through my day without podcasts. They make my spreadsheets seem slightly less excruciating.

I’ve already told you about the Nerdist Podcasts, as well as Pop Culture Happy Hour. The next podcast I implore you to listen to is Doug Loves Movies, where comedian Doug Benson brings on celebrity guests to talk about movies and play the Leonard Maltin game. What is the Leonard Maltin game, you ask? Listen and find out.

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And finally, this one is nice, too. If you follow any movie-related blogs, you’ve probably read about the death of Sally Menke, who was Quentin Tarantino’s editor. (That’s not the nice part.) Tarantino encouraged his actors to say hello to Sally every once in a while so she wouldn’t feel so lonely in the editing booth. Anyway, here’s a collection of “Hi Sally”s.

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Random Friday

I’ve only got two things today:

1. Two people have found my site by searching for “natalie portman panties.” That’s magnificent. Although it was probably a disappointment for those people. So let it be known:

There are no pictures of Natalie Portman in panties on this blog.

Sorry, perverts, you’re going to have to look elsewhere for your fake celebrity porn.

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2. Remember my musical about shopping? Well, I found the dress that would have started it all if the movie was set in Mexico in the sixties:

See? Fabulous.

So, if we move the setting to Mexico, we’re going to have to recast. Obviously, Paz Vega will play the Anne Hathaway part. I think Rory Gilmore should be played by Maria from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.

And the devil? Alfred Molina, of course.

(Side note: Has anyone else had a really hard time watching Maverick since Mel Gibson unleashed his dickery on the world? That’s what I hate you for most, Mel Gibson. I loved that movie.)

I don’t even know if Alfred Molina sings, but doesn’t it just seem like he should?

Also, since it’s set in Mexico, we can make it telenovela style. Which means that, instead of having to choose between the three endings (dance fight, game show battle, or communist propaganda) we can do all three!

Joss Whedon, I know you’re still interested. Give me a call.

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It’s my birthday!

Today’s random day is less random, and more focused on a particular subject or idea.

Here are some movies and TV shows I want to see:

Don’t you just expect James Franco to suddenly be in the news for buying a dying newspaper and turning into a daily scrapbook devoted to his favorite cereals?

Just me?

Okay, next:

I’m sort of in love with Dax Shepard. Have you seen him on Parenthood? He’s so good.

Because I love horror movies:

I know it looks a lot like The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I just don’t care.

Also, poor kitty! It looks so scared.

And on TV:

I’m not inclined towards zombie anything, but this does look good. I’m continually grateful to AMC for making it unnecessary for me to pay for the premium channels in order to get really great TV shows.

Also, is it always necessary to kill a cat in your horror movies? The cat in Alien made it all the way to the end credits, people. Yes, she had Ripley protecting her. But still.

What other movies/TV shows should I see? Anyone?

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One week til my birthday!

This morning all my properly-fitting pants were dirty, so, rather than going pantsless, I’m wearing a pair of less-properly-fitting pants.

Then, in a stroke of genius, instead of using the pants buttons god gave me, I used a paper clip to join the inner and outer buttonholes, bestowing my pants with just the right amount of give.

Of course, I discovered the Achilles heel in this solution when I went to the bathroom and had to negotiate removing a paper clip from two buttonholes while also doing the pee pee dance.

I was able to accomplish this with minimal injury. So, victory!

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I must confess, I just don’t have a lot to tell you on this random friday. My mind is pretty much living in tomorrow. Hair will be dyed, panties will be signed. Oil will be changed. And we’ll probably grab something to eat at some point too.

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I’m starting this new thing. You’re all familiar with the witty (or “witty”) comeback that consists of inserting “your face” into whatever insult was just thrown at you, yes? (i.e. “Your face is a stupid whore that slept with my boyfriend in the backseat of my car.”)

Well, I’m starting a new thing where I use the “your face” comeback for compliments and neutral statements as well.

“Your face looks nice today.”

“Your face was great in that play.”

“Your face is hungry.”

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I want to see this movie:

I love Mila Kunis. And Natalie Portman, of course. But seriously. Mila Kunis.

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Also this one:

I’m a sucker for alien invasion movies.

No pun intended?

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