You may notice that I have a new title. I’m taking it for a test drive. Even though nobody voted for it (except me), and my husband thinks I’m far too lazy to have the title of Empress, I like it. I may try out the others later, or I may lose interest in this discussion altogether and leave Empress up out of half-laziness, half-absent-mindedness. (Interestingly, this mirrors my exact genetic makeup. I’m half lazy and half absent-minded. I never get anything done.)
By the way, don’t be hurt if I didn’t choose the one you voted for (or the one you thought to yourself, “Oh, I like that one,” but then you didn’t comment. Yeah. I know you did that. I see all).
See, the way I make decisions is, I narrow down my list of options, then I ask someone’s opinion to see what my reaction is.
Like, say I’m getting dressed for an event of some kind, but I can’t decide between my green dress or my white dress. I’ll ask my husband. And he’ll say, “I like them both.” And I’ll say, “No, you have to pick one.” Then he’ll say, “What about the red dress?” And I’ll say, ‘I can’t wear that out of the house, it’s too tight.” And he’ll say, “I think it looks good,” and he sort of leers when he says it. Then I stare blankly at him. So then he says, “Green,” but I can tell he’s just picking the one that’s closest to him, so I say, “No, really, pick one.” And then he starts telling me about some video game news that he read online today, and we get into a whole other conversation that lasts until it’s almost time to leave for whatever event we’re going to, and I still haven’t picked a dress, so I text one of my friends, and she says, “White.”
Here, one of two things can happen:
- I say, “Yeah, you’re right, white it is.”
- Or I say, “White? Really? But what about the green?”
Of course, I go with number 2, because the green dress is way more appropriate for this event (the white one is really a day dress), and I really wanted to wear the green one the whole time. But I didn’t know that until I asked someone else’s opinion and they disagreed.
So, basically, when I asked everyone’s opinion about the titles, and my husband called me a lazy bastard who’d never live up to the title of Empress (I’m paraphrasing), I realized that’s the title I wanted all along.
By the way, this post makes absolutely perfect sense. If you find it confusing, you probably have a brain tumor. You should get that checked.