Dear Empress of Real Advice,
Why are Texans bad drivers?
I find myself constantly yelling at drivers and this weeks epidemic has made matters worse. What on earth compels people to drive like monkeys on LSD?
– Expert on Drug Use in Animals
This is a complex issue. My first instinct is to say, it’s probably way more fun to drive like a monkey on LSD than it is to drive like a normal person. But upon further consideration, a paranoia-inducing drug in an animal that lacks the capacity for complex abstract thought is probably not all that fun.
But it does bring up an interesting idea: paranoia. Maybe the drivers know that you’re saying awful things about them behind their backs, and it’s affecting their driving.
Perhaps you should give the drivers the benefit of the doubt. If you assume every other person is racing to the hospital because they just heard that their wife is in labor, worries about bad road etiquette take a back seat to concerns about overpopulation.
Also, why are all these women going into labor at the same time? There’s a bigger conspiracy at play here.