Monthly Archives: September 2010

I knew there was something I forgot to do.

It’s time for Random Friday! On Monday – just to keep you guessing. And because I’m aware of the irony of designating a specific day each week on which to be random. And because I forgot.

Anyway.

I have this problem where about every month, I’ll have a string of five or so days where I discover that I’ve put my underwear on inside out.

Is this a problem that other people have? Am I dyslexic, but only with underwear? I rarely put on other clothes inside out or backwards. And when I do, I notice right away and correct the problem.

This entry will help me to get more weird, underwear-related google referrals.

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New nerd crush. Get on board.

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I’m becoming almost as fickle as my family, husband, and close friends say I am. I’m always looking for my next nerd crush.

And where do I go for nerd crush fodder?

Geek a week, of course.

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I’m reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time. It is every bit as magical as I have been led to believe.

How did I get to be 26*/27** years old without having read this book already? Public School System, I’m placing this failure squarely on your shoulders.

What other holes are there in my reading history?

Give me a list of things I should have read by now, and I shall try to fill in the gaps.

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Since I began dating my husband, he has promised every year to take me to the state fair. And every year, it passes without us noticing.

I want some deep-fried Dr. Pepper, dammit!

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It’s almost October! Halloween will be happening soon! So excited. I love to play dress up.

What is everyone going as for Halloween this year? Every year I say I’m going to dress up as Daria, and every year I fail to buy a blazer in time.

Maybe this year.

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*As I’ve mentioned, last year my birthday was so bad that I decided it didn’t merit getting older. And with the avalanche of shit that fell last month, I think the same applies this year.

**However, while I was riding high on my Chris Hardwick/Underwear Signing encounter, I mentioned that perhaps I had finally earned the extra year. So, I’m either 26 or 27, depending on my mood (but certainly not 28, contrary to what my driver’s license may say). Or, as my friend Shelby likes to say, I’m 26B. Only now it’s 26C. Or 27.

27B?

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What do Chris Hardwick, David Duchovny, and panties all have in common?

I wore a dress to work today. It’s dress day.

However, a complication has arisen.

When I put the dress on this morning, I had trouble zipping it. Now, before we even go down this path, let me say that this dress fits me just fine. It’s not tight at all. There’s no reason that I shouldn’t be able to zip it easily, even though it’s an under-the-armpit zipper, which tends to throw me. But still the zipper was giving me trouble, like it was mocking me. “Hey, look, fatty can’t zip up her own dress.”

Shut up, stupid dress.

So anyway, I had to get my husband to zip it.

So I get to work, sit down and feel a slight chill on my rib cage. I look down and see a patch of skin.

I’m thinking, did he not zip it all the way? So I feel around for the zipper. As I’m feeling, the zipper opens up more and more, until it’s completely open. It’s at this point that I realize the fastener part of the zipper is at the top. The zipper is broken.

I have no recourse. No safety pins, no change of clothes. Adam has the car today, so I can’t even go home to change.

So, here I sit, with my dress unzipped. Exposed. Vulnerable.

I really hope my boss doesn’t come by today.

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Things that people have searched for on google that brought them to this blog:

  • David Duchovny
  • Natalie Portman panties
  • “panties with band on the side”
  • Grateful Dead panties
  • laughed pee panties
  • Chris Hardwick hair
  • dyed pubic hair

This blog is your source for nerdy comedians and all things ladyparts. And David Duchovny.

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Why haven’t you been listening to the Pop Culture Happy Hour on NPR?

Here, go now.

Need a teaser quote to get you interested? How about this:

“It’s like a giant iceberg of gay. And my backyard is drier because of it. A gayberg.”

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Speaking of links you need to click:

Do you like socks? Tights? Leg warmers? All three?

Go here. And buy me something while you’re there.

I like the really tall socks that go all the way up to my thighs.

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I was introduced to this band by a facebook friend.

I’m obsessed with them now. You should be, too.

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That’s it for me today. What random stuff is on your mind?

We can’t be friends if you won’t open up to me.

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Random Friday

I’ve only got two things today:

1. Two people have found my site by searching for “natalie portman panties.” That’s magnificent. Although it was probably a disappointment for those people. So let it be known:

There are no pictures of Natalie Portman in panties on this blog.

Sorry, perverts, you’re going to have to look elsewhere for your fake celebrity porn.

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2. Remember my musical about shopping? Well, I found the dress that would have started it all if the movie was set in Mexico in the sixties:

See? Fabulous.

So, if we move the setting to Mexico, we’re going to have to recast. Obviously, Paz Vega will play the Anne Hathaway part. I think Rory Gilmore should be played by Maria from Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.

And the devil? Alfred Molina, of course.

(Side note: Has anyone else had a really hard time watching Maverick since Mel Gibson unleashed his dickery on the world? That’s what I hate you for most, Mel Gibson. I loved that movie.)

I don’t even know if Alfred Molina sings, but doesn’t it just seem like he should?

Also, since it’s set in Mexico, we can make it telenovela style. Which means that, instead of having to choose between the three endings (dance fight, game show battle, or communist propaganda) we can do all three!

Joss Whedon, I know you’re still interested. Give me a call.

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Random Day

I don’t have a lot to say on this random day. Let’s see if I can dig down deep and scavenge some material.

Have you guys been watching Sons of Anarchy? Why not?!

It’s so good. I spent all of last week watching the first two seasons. I’m hooked now. I’m highly susceptible to television addiction.

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All my favorite tv shows are about to be back on. Like Community. With guest star Betty White. Seriously, they’re making this show just for me.

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My husband sent me this link. It’s way better than you think it will be (considering it’s called Mario Kart Love Song).

If you’ve never played Mario Kart, it might not make sense to you. But you should watch it anyway.

Also, if you’ve never played Mario Kart, there’s a tiny mustache-shaped hole in your soul. Rectify that.

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How is it possible that I did not know about Red Band Trailer with Diablo Cody?

It’s a 10-minute interview/guessing game hosted by Diablo Cody. She invites people she’s worked with to do the show and interviews them in an Airstream trailer.

And who has Diablo Cody worked with that also happens to be my number one marital exemption?

Oh yeah.

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Okay, that’s all I got today. Give me a topic in the comments and I’ll try to come up with some more opinions about stuff. And cool links and such.

What I’m saying is, I’m nothing without you. Help me out, would you?

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P.S. After I write these things, I hit spellcheck just to make sure I’m not grossly incompetent.

It’s unreasonable, but I feel tremendous pride when it pops up and says “No writing errors were found.”

Yeah. I’m perfect.

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