Movie Monsters

I have to admit something. I’m not a fan of zombie movies.

There are exceptions to this, but generally, I find zombies to be a very boring monster. I even had a dream about the zombie apocalypse once. You know what it was? My entire small town gathered in the high school gym and watched movies on a projector while a rotating team of regular people sat at the windows with guns and picked off whatever zombies happened to amble by.

I have to say, the only zombie movies I like are Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland. Everything else is just boring to me. Sorry, current pop-culture obsession.

Mummies aren’t interesting either, and they’re confined to only certain parts of the world, and there aren’t that many of them.

Honestly, any villain that has “shamble and groan” as it’s go-to move is not that big of a threat. The only thing on its side is the element of surprise, and once that’s gone, the odds are clearly stacked in favor of whichever side has the capacity for abstract thought and full use of their motor skills.

Werewolves – meh. Scary, I guess. But still boring.

Vampires I do find interesting. Of course, they’re only vampires if they die in the sunlight, since the whole point of the vampire myth is that in order to get immortality you have to become a creature of darkness, both literally and figuratively (I’m looking at you, Twilight).

Vampires are scarier because they can think. They can manipulate and plot and connive. They’re just like us, only evil(er). Also sexier.

Of course, I think we can all agree that the scariest movie monster is Alien. Acid blood trumps all.

P.S. Can you imagine Ripley in a zombie apocalypse? The whole thing would last like a day.



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9 responses to “Movie Monsters

  1. I agree. Twilight is LAME… 😉 And sparkly, really?!

  2. adam

    Twilight is indeed flat out awful. Mummies are super lame. Zombies have giant numbers going for them but most zombie flicks are tedious. Although Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland are fan freaking tastic. Alien scares the poop out of me. But what about the other movie monsters? The thing, the blob, Predator, and of course Frankenstien’s Monster? (Creature from the Black Lagoon is just a pussy which is why i didn’t count him)

  3. Shelby

    You MUST watch Fido. It is one of my favorite zombie movies. I tend to only like funny zombie movies as well.

  4. Don

    Dracula has got it going on. The rest are all pretenders. He can turn into a bat. He can turn into a mist. He can enthrall. He controls wolves. He controls rats.

    How exactly is this “less is more” phenomenon supposed to make sense? One of the great Buffy episodes recognized that Dracula is a cut above.

    Modern vampires all act like High School Counselors who can bite you. Please, get a grip. Go back to the darkness. leave the wusspires for the goth wannabees.

    Also, Mothra’s cool cause he’s got those tiny virgins working for him.

  5. adam

    truly though everything about the Aliens (or xenomorphs to us super nerds) are just pure terror. They look like something out of Hell, and everything about them will kill you. Mouth full of razor sharp needle like teeth, and containing second mouth of razor sharp needle teeth to launch at you at terrifying speed? check. deadly prehensile tail with GIANT blade on the end? check. nasty talons on hands and feet? check. Acid for blood? super check. Method of birth that forces you to host it only so it can explode through your chest during a nice dinner with friends? Check. they just freak me out. Awesome.

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