Monthly Archives: August 2010

It’s my birthday!

Today’s random day is less random, and more focused on a particular subject or idea.

Here are some movies and TV shows I want to see:

Don’t you just expect James Franco to suddenly be in the news for buying a dying newspaper and turning into a daily scrapbook devoted to his favorite cereals?

Just me?

Okay, next:

I’m sort of in love with Dax Shepard. Have you seen him on Parenthood? He’s so good.

Because I love horror movies:

I know it looks a lot like The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I just don’t care.

Also, poor kitty! It looks so scared.

And on TV:

I’m not inclined towards zombie anything, but this does look good. I’m continually grateful to AMC for making it unnecessary for me to pay for the premium channels in order to get really great TV shows.

Also, is it always necessary to kill a cat in your horror movies? The cat in Alien made it all the way to the end credits, people. Yes, she had Ripley protecting her. But still.

What other movies/TV shows should I see? Anyone?

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…and then the rest of the weekend happened.

As you read yesterday, I had a wonderful Saturday, and I even got to bring home a souvenir. I expected to bask in afterglow for the rest of the weekend, coasting into the week and only realizing that I was at work around Wednesday or so.

But then I found out on Sunday that our car is going to be repossessed.

And then on Monday morning, our neighbor decided to make up for his two months of silence by playing loud bass-y music from 2:30 until around 9:00 am.

I have to tell you, I’ve lost my confidence a little.

I know what your thinking. “You, Lindsay?  I mean, you’re practically a god, how can you lose your confidence?”

And you’re not wrong.

But still. I need some cheering up. I need whatever is the metaphysical equivalent of sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and watching Buffy all day.

Ideas? I fear it’s going to take more than just cute pictures of baby animals to drag me out of this sinkhole of shittiness.

Oh, and also? The internet is being mean to me. It called me creepy for having underwear signed by people.

Stupid internet. Your face is the one who’s creepy.

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I give you…signed panties.

Lots has happened in the last three days. So much that I might have to split it up into several posts. We’ll start with the main event.

On Saturday, my husband and I drove down to Austin (with a stopover in Stephenville) to see Chris Hardwick.

I went to Stephenville to get my hair dyed. My appointment was early, so we had to get up at 8:00 am. Yuck.

After hair dyings and lunch, we drove three hours to Austin. Now, at this point, I did not have a pair of panties for Chris Hardwick to sign, because I figured, where better to find some panties than Austin?

We got to Austin with 3 hours until the doors opened at Cap City Comedy. That’s three hours to track down some panties. Seems reasonable.

Okay, first, in my defense, since we were in Austin, I wanted to get some really cool panties. So we go down Guadalupe looking for…I don’t know, a big sign that said, “Cool Panties 4 Sale,” with a bunch of dirty hippies out front.

I’m confident that such a place exists in Austin. But it is not on Guadalupe.

So after coming up empty on Guadalupe, I figured we could stroll down 6th Street, because I know there are panties for sale there. Unfortunately, before we made it to the Panty District, we got drenched in sweat and nearly died of heat exhaustion.

So we headed back to the car, pantiless, with only about an hour left to get to the venue.

We spotted a strip mall on the way, popped in, and, after some deliberation over color, picked a pair of plain old regular panties.

(Okay, I said “we” there, but I was really the one deciding. Adam offered the very helpful opinion of “Whatever you want.”)

Then we went to the show, but there was a problem with our tickets. Adam had purchased them online on Tuesday and received a confirmation email, but we didn’t seem to be on any lists.

Turns out, he accidentally bought tickets for the wrong day because of the confusing nature of the internet. We were still able to get in, but we no longer had super special reserved seating.

It wasn’t that big a deal, because the venue wasn’t terribly huge, so most seats were good seats. However, during the show, Chris kept talking to this one guy Tucker, who had been chatted up by one of the opening acts. Tucker had reserved seats, right at the edge of the stage.

That could have been us! Damn internet.

There were 2 openers. The first guy was great, second guy not as great. Then Chris came out and he was awesome. And he came out to the bar after the show to take pictures with people.

I waited til the very end to approach him. And I’m sad to say that I was the only person who asked him to sign an undergarment.

He was super-nice and even claimed to remember commenting on my blog, which I appreciated very much.

And look! Panties!

That, by the way, is what pi would look like if rendered in pubic hair.

And note where he signed:

Lovely.

So, in summary, Yay me! I have panties signed by Chris Hardwick. Next on the panty-signing list is Louis C.K., who is coming to Fort Worth in November.

Who else will be bringing their panties to that show, I wonder.

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One week til my birthday!

This morning all my properly-fitting pants were dirty, so, rather than going pantsless, I’m wearing a pair of less-properly-fitting pants.

Then, in a stroke of genius, instead of using the pants buttons god gave me, I used a paper clip to join the inner and outer buttonholes, bestowing my pants with just the right amount of give.

Of course, I discovered the Achilles heel in this solution when I went to the bathroom and had to negotiate removing a paper clip from two buttonholes while also doing the pee pee dance.

I was able to accomplish this with minimal injury. So, victory!

***

I must confess, I just don’t have a lot to tell you on this random friday. My mind is pretty much living in tomorrow. Hair will be dyed, panties will be signed. Oil will be changed. And we’ll probably grab something to eat at some point too.

***

I’m starting this new thing. You’re all familiar with the witty (or “witty”) comeback that consists of inserting “your face” into whatever insult was just thrown at you, yes? (i.e. “Your face is a stupid whore that slept with my boyfriend in the backseat of my car.”)

Well, I’m starting a new thing where I use the “your face” comeback for compliments and neutral statements as well.

“Your face looks nice today.”

“Your face was great in that play.”

“Your face is hungry.”

***

I want to see this movie:

I love Mila Kunis. And Natalie Portman, of course. But seriously. Mila Kunis.

***

Also this one:

I’m a sucker for alien invasion movies.

No pun intended?

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I’m dumb.

Okay, now that I look at my picture of Johnny Five’s head compared to a real picture of Johnny Five’s head, the resemblance is questionable. It’s more like the head of Johnny Five’s loser cousin, Larry Five.

But anyway, here it is:

Compare to:

It’s the eyes.

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Monday Drive By

I went to see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World on Friday. It was transcendent. Splendid. Magnificent. Awesome, even.

I am now obsessed with the soundtrack. I foresee a certain blog-suggesting friend named Shelby getting a copy.

The showing of Scott Pilgrim that I went to is notable not only because I watched a super-fantabulous movie, but because I experienced an episode of group bonding the likes of which I’ve never seen.

Before the movie there were several previews. As a group, the theater audience was talking through most of them. Then one came on that was about a group of people in an elevator. The audience kind of quieted down. The preview went on and, as a group, we kind of got more interested. Then came the magic words.  See if you can spot them.

Yes, that’s right.

“From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan”

The audience – as a group – groaned in disgust.

There was a short pause, then we all laughed, bonding in our superior taste in movies.

I wish we could have all exchanged email addresses. I’d like to stay in touch.

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It’s two weeks til my birthday!

I’m going to see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World tonight. Excited!

Because I am a bit of a movie nerd (surprise!), I’ve been doing a little research on it, and, though I knew the co-writer/director Edgar Wright was involved in some of my favorite movies (Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) – okay, involved is an understatement; he co-wrote and directed those movies as well – I did not know that he’s also REALLY HOT.

Hello, new celebrity crush.

***

Did you guys hear that? That was the sound of Chris Hardwick breathing a huge sigh of relief.

But I’ll still be asking him to sign my underwear. (A different pair of underwear from the ones Mitch Hedberg signed, for those who had an opinion on the matter.)

***

Am I the only one who, when I see a car accident on the way to the office, I think, “Well, at least they don’t have to go to work today”? And then I feel a little jealous?

I think it’s pretty safe to say that I have no grasp of real world consequences.

***

My latest mini-gift in the month-long birthday extravaganza: An almost-legal copy of Bloodbath at the House of Death. I see a movie party in my future. And the futures of several friends, whether they like it or not.

By the way, I still haven’t played DuckTales. Anyone have a working NES I could borrow?

***

On facebook, I “like” NPR and The Onion. But sometimes, when it’s early or I’m just not paying attention, I’ll read an NPR headline thinking it’s a headline from The Onion.

I spent a full minute this morning trying to figure out why “A Grandfather Dedicated to Easing Others’ Pain” is funny.

***

Guys, I still don’t have a picture of Johnny Five’s head. One day, I promise.

Maybe if I put the right cable in my purse the night before.

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