Friday is Random Day

Well, okay, for me every day is Random Day. But officially, on this blog, only Friday is Random Day.

Here goes:

I think we should change the phrase from “crazy like a fox” to “crazy like a velociraptor.” It’s much more apt. But maybe I’ve been reading too much xkcd.

***

Due to a discussion on facebook about this dress, and how it makes me want to star in a musical about shopping, now all I can think about is how somebody needs to make a musical about shopping. It can star Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman, with music by Joss Whedon. Choreography by whoever did Xanadu.

I’m on to something here.

***

I have a back-up camera in my car, but I don’t trust it. I’ll start out looking at the screen before I back up, which seems to tell me that there’s nothing behind me. But  then I’ll get paranoid and turn around really quick to see if something’s hiding just outside the camera’s line of sight. Then, since there’s nothing there,  I’ll turn back to the screen with a guilty conscience. It’s not my fault, Back-up Camera. I was raised to believe that cameras couldn’t be trusted. That they’d steal your soul and add ten pounds. I’m sorry. I’d love to say that I’ll never doubt you again, but I’m afraid that’s just a promise I can’t keep.

***

Sometimes, my husband reads me so well that I start to wonder if he can read my mind. Then I think, no, I have countless examples of times he said ridiculous, thoughtless things that he would never have said if he could read my mind. Then I think, what if he’s trying to throw me off the track by saying those stupid things, so he can continue reading my mind without me getting suspicious? So then I’ll think about something really outrageous that would surely get a reaction out of him, like an elaborate scene of slapstick midget porn. And he doesn’t react.

I still think he’s just trying to throw me off the scent. I’m on to you, buddy.

***

My (formerly) secret reason for starting this blog is so that I can meet The Bloggess and become best friends with her.

***

If you haven’t already heard, I’m trying to get the phrase “like a bird in a whale’s mouth” on tv. It’s a thing. It’s supposed to be sort of an experiment, like when you’d write your name on a dollar and see if it ever came back to you. But now I’m thinking of it as trying to get something I wrote on television. Anyway, help spread the word!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Friday is Random Day

  1. adam

    Damn you are onto me

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