I also saw that time you kicked a dog. And I’m telling.

Years ago, I discovered Joyas Jewelry. I can’t remember how I discovered it, which is a shame because I’d like to have someone to thank. I am in love with this site.

And it’s not the jewelry. Don’t get me wrong – there’s a lot of beautiful jewelry there. But her descriptions are wonderful.

Here’s a sample description, for a necklace called “Bond, Jane Bond”:

I said shaken, not stirred bitch.

That’s the whole description.

Another example, for a necklace called “Canadian Excitement”:

I get really excited to learn about talented Canadian actors…my newest favourite is Michael Cera. He’s the reason I started watching Arrested Development. Although since starting to watch it I’ve redeveloped a crush on Jason Bateman – the original crush was from Teen Wolf Too and the Hogan Family.

Do you see how I have no choice but to love her? Not only does she love Jason Bateman, but she spells favorite with a U. Ahh, Canadians.

***

I’m trying to use the word “awesome” less. Some alternatives I’m trying out: magnificent, wonderful, lovely, glorious and transcendent.

I believe my over-use of awesome started when I netflixed all the seasons of How I Met Your Mother. I should be angry at Neil Patrick Harris. But, let’s be serious. Is that even possible?

***

When I went shopping last weekend, I bought a dandelion cardigan. I’m theme dressing. And the theme is “Weeds and Blogging.” I should just go ahead and buy forty cats and start chasing the neighborhood kids away with a broom.

***

I have a long-standing obsession with dandelions, which you may have already guessed. (They’re the only flower you can wish on. Wishes, people!) I’ve been thinking about getting a dandelion tattoo for years. I just don’t have any room in my budget for body art. Time to start a savings account I guess.

***

One of the tools this blogging site gives me is the power to see my referrals, which is where you blog-clickers all come from. Since nobody ever links to my site, the referrals are usually from facebook. But any time I link to other blogs, their blog posts a trackback to my site, so I sometimes get a sort of self-referral from another site.

One such site is Nerdist.com, which, you’ll recall, is Chris Hardwick’s site. I have this sort of blind hope that it’s actually Chris who clicked on the trackback and saw my blog. And if so, I have this to say to you, Chris:

I’m sorry I called you the poor man’s Joel McHale. I was just trying to be funny. Please don’t be mad at me. And also, would you sign my underwear?

***

Speaking of Nerdist, and vain attempts to get Chris Hardwick to click on my trackback (again), you should go watch this video of wall animation. It’s animated graffiti, and it’s transcendent.

***

Since wordpress shows me referrals, but I don’t actually get referrals, what I’m actually seeing a lot of the time is whatever site someone happened to be on before they came to my site.

But don’t let that stop you from visiting those sex sites before you read my blog.

Don’t worry, I can’t see who you are. But I have some guesses.

***

By the way, I know I called dandelions weeds up there. But don’t you call them that. It’s okay when I do it, because dandelions are like family to me. You can insult your own family. Right, Mom and Dad?

4 Comments

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4 responses to “I also saw that time you kicked a dog. And I’m telling.

  1. B

    I’m partial to the term “glorious.”

    Is the eye exam part of the randomness?

  2. Dad

    Wrong, you may not insult your family and it’s not very lady-like to continuously invite people to sign your underwear!

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